Gijima!

Run you little rioters. Run!

What are you doing giving me all this bad press. I said things are going to get better so you must shut up and patiently wait like good subjects. If not, I'll call out the riot cops and see you beat to a pulp. Didn't your parents teach you anything! I won't spare the rod and spoil the nation - no not me!

I'm sick of you peasants and peons calling me names - I AM A GOD! Why can't you get that through your thick heads. You are nothing and I am everything! You really are spoiling my fun.

Eish, I'm so tired after all these busy days. It's not easy to be horny and dance with 60,000 virgins. And then I get home and all my bloody wives want to sleep with me the same night.

Last night was hell.

All I wanted to do was ask Babekhulu Mugabe how to shut you people up but Sibonelo Mngomezulu, my wife know as LaMbikiza, wanted to take him dancing at the disco in the basement of her palace. She likes to pretend she's having sex on the dance floor and she knows it makes me horny and jealous.

Anyway I had to screw the whole lot of my wives or they would whine and whine for ages. So I didn't even get to ask Uncle Bob for advise. Oh, what would he do in a predicament like mine?

I guess I'm just going to have to fly to Zim to ask him about it.

He recently fucked the entire electorate of about 13 million so he only needs to give me a couple of his secrets to screw the 1.4 million here on MY FARM.

I don't know why the international papers call me a playboy cause I think I am a man.

Oh but no, I'm a God and a King! Can I be everything?