Saturday, August 21, 2010

I can see all

I am very busy these days since I get to pick another wife but I simply wanted to mention two things:

First, LaMagwaza I have spies everywhere and know you are reading this site. I know you regret cheating on me, so if you come back and beg I will accept you; but then I must pass you over to one of my senior brothers. I do not want "used goods" and they simply do not care who the girl is that they jump upon each afternoon and evening.

And secondly, thanks to my little brother in Taiwan for looking at my site.
(Actually he is not a son of Sobhuza II, but he came from the same womb as I so mother says I must call him my brother.) It is very good that he is far away and he is happy to follow me through this site.

To all my other fans I will write more soon but I am busy because it's so hard keeping your manhood down (yes, I mean my constant erection) with all the naked teenagers shaking their stuff.

As you see it is very hard, very very hard but I am the stud of Swaziland !

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

I went to the witch-doctor

It seems I am losing my powers to keep my women, so I went to the witch-doctor for advice.

He said, " When a wife wishes to be preferred above all the other wives she comes to me and I give her ekulo. This she mixes with the food of her husband, and from that time on he cannot resist her and she becomes his favourite wife and is mistress of all the others."

I then asked if any of my wives had visited him and he seemed reluctant to answer. I pressed him and said "I am Ingwenyama!"

He then told the truth.

"Yes, oh great one. All sixteen of your wives have visited me and for a lofty price I have given them ekulo."

"But how can this be?" I questioned. "I do not favour any one wife over the others. They are all the same once you lift their skirts."

He looked at me solemnly then said "My ekulo is powerful, but perhaps it is not you, Ingwenyama, whom they use my potion upon?"

Thursday, August 5, 2010


Yes Mamba is a snake!

Green or black - he is a SNAKE!

He said he was my friend and I trusted him; but while I was away he has bitten me badly and the poison is spreading.

I do not know what the problem is - why aren't my fourteen wives satisfied that I spend a night with each of them every month?

I tried to take a little vacation in Taiwan (and get some rest from these nagging women) only to find that my latest wife is having an affair with my good old pal Minister Mamba - the Minister of Justice!

I am the one who appointed him Minister and this is my thanks - he thinks he can share my women when I am absent?

Well you just watch and see what happens to him - I will teach him a good lesson and crush his snake-like head!

I have had enough of my wives cheating - first it was La Magwaza, and then La Hwala, and now La Dube.

And so I have asked Benedict Xaba, my appointed Minister of Health, for advice. He has ordered E1 million Viagra from Europe so I can bop these wives til they drop!

For Mamba, Xaba suggest I give him some Viagra as well and then send him to the goats, the cattle and my camels from
Gadhafi! Yeah, let's watch him bop then!

Monday, May 31, 2010

Hello my Fans

I am getting many notes from Montreal, New York (Patterson, Forest Hills, Fairport, Bayside, West Hempstead, Rockville Centre, Bronx, Ozone Park, Riverhead) California, Texas, Chicago, Potomac, and all over the world saying how I am the king of all kings.

But to tell you the truth I know the notes from California and Beverly Hills are from my first daughter who has wasted a lot of my money at some school there. As the saying goes "an apple doesn't fall too far from the tree" and she is like her selfish mother. She is not like me - she is a big mouth who thinks she has something "cool" to rap in a song.

I am the mouth that never lies but she is the mouth that never shuts up!

However, you are not visiting MY blog to read about that braggart girl - you love me and so I am posting one more photo of my beautiful self.

And do tell me, don't I look handsome?

Monday, April 19, 2010

Today's my Birthday - it should be a world holiday!

I, the great Mswati III, am celebrating my birthday and expect all of you viewers to send me best wishes since I am the most wonderful monarch in the world.

I am so superior to all humans I can make the rain fall. Today it was very funny to see all my devoted fans - aristocrats and "commoners" - sitting in the rain waiting for me, the supreme one.

I have got my own country to close down for the day, but my neighbours - South Africa and Mozambique - are never going to be invited to my parties again since they too did not shut down their countries to celebrate my great birth!

I wanted some more women for my birthday - I am 42 and want 42 wives; but all I got was another Rolls Royce. See how hard it is to be a king!

Monday, March 22, 2010

Poetry for the king of kings

Here is a little poem which one of my dear subjects sent to me.

It is very complex so I hope you can understand it better than I.

traitor to the Swazi people
i was the center of the dream
to give life in abundance
i could have healed the wound
but i chose to love only myself

by 'Nazizwe

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Eish, I have been busy!

Hello my fans!

Have you missed me? I know you have!

Yes, I have been very busy with the girls but received your many messages saying how much you have missed me.

See you and I have two things in common: we both love my intelligent and insightful reflection upon myself. I really should be the king of the world.

Recently I am being annoyed with some students outside the palace shouting "SHISA, MLILO, SHISA!" and I am tired of the noise.

I've told my servants to go tell them I have gone to the beach since I need to rest and enjoy life.