One of my fine Swazi subjects in Arizona has sent me a praise poem he wrote.
I can't say I honestly understand it but he must love me for all of my subjects adore me.
After all I am HIS Majesty, the Greatest Swazi king ever to rule on the continent of Africa and probably the greatest king in all the universe.
So here is the poem and please do tell me what it means.
one swazi man
and
tens of thousands of graves
fourteen wives
and
hundreds and hundreds of rapes
eight palaces
and
hundreds of thousands of hungry mouths
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Am I, Mswati the Great, a bugger?
Oh my troubles never end.
Damn, it's hard being a King.
Here's just one example of how tough it is in my position.
Last week I received a "royal family" of camels from the man who tried to bugger me. Gadhafi of Libya doesn't understand the meaning of my royal "suka la".
Here's my problem. On my last trip to his country, we were eating and drinking and having a grand old time. We were talking about the nagging wives who are always around. He even made me laugh when he said he gets tired of his women and goes out to "visit the female camels".
I thought it all was lots of fun until he got me very drunk and when I passed out, he tried to mount me!
That bugger!
Luckily my bodyguards were not to far away and my ass was saved - or at least half saved.
Anyway he now thinks he can kiss and make up by sending me the camels but he is a pervert. All he really wants is to be the King of Africa but he knows everybody wants me as the King of the African Union.
Gadhafi is jealous of my super powers, my wealth and my great looks- that's why he wanted to "know me intimately". Oh, I think I must just forget him but keep the animals.
But did you happen to notice 4 of the 6 camels are female? Maybe I can try my luck with them when the wives are giving me headaches.
So if I don't write for a bit you'll know what is occupying my time....I'll be busy with those female camels until the young naked Swazi girls start shaking their stuff at the August reed dance.
Damn, it's hard being a King.
Here's just one example of how tough it is in my position.
Last week I received a "royal family" of camels from the man who tried to bugger me. Gadhafi of Libya doesn't understand the meaning of my royal "suka la".
Here's my problem. On my last trip to his country, we were eating and drinking and having a grand old time. We were talking about the nagging wives who are always around. He even made me laugh when he said he gets tired of his women and goes out to "visit the female camels".
I thought it all was lots of fun until he got me very drunk and when I passed out, he tried to mount me!
That bugger!
Luckily my bodyguards were not to far away and my ass was saved - or at least half saved.
Anyway he now thinks he can kiss and make up by sending me the camels but he is a pervert. All he really wants is to be the King of Africa but he knows everybody wants me as the King of the African Union.
Gadhafi is jealous of my super powers, my wealth and my great looks- that's why he wanted to "know me intimately". Oh, I think I must just forget him but keep the animals.
But did you happen to notice 4 of the 6 camels are female? Maybe I can try my luck with them when the wives are giving me headaches.
So if I don't write for a bit you'll know what is occupying my time....I'll be busy with those female camels until the young naked Swazi girls start shaking their stuff at the August reed dance.
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Friday, June 12, 2009
I can't wait til August
Hey, I am just back in Swaziland from visiting good ole Uncle Bob in Zimbabwe.
He likes me and I like him so we don't care what the rest of you say.
Anyway, we have enough money to do whatever we like and don't care about the "progressive" ideas.
Eish, I saw a lot of good looking girls in Zim. I had sent the wife on a tour of some sort - you know they always pester me thinking they are my favorite wife. But really, what is the difference between one and the other when you lift their skirts?
Anyway, I wish I could get one of those Zim girls in my bed - they really can dance and shake it.
I'm getting so excited just thinking about it. I must call my body guards to take me out on a drive so I can stalk some young virgins. SO WHAT if I am 40 and they 13 or 14. I deserve what I want and August is coming. My horny dance is gonna start very soon.
So hide your girlfriends and your daughters if you want, but my spies are out hunting from south to north.
He likes me and I like him so we don't care what the rest of you say.
Anyway, we have enough money to do whatever we like and don't care about the "progressive" ideas.
Eish, I saw a lot of good looking girls in Zim. I had sent the wife on a tour of some sort - you know they always pester me thinking they are my favorite wife. But really, what is the difference between one and the other when you lift their skirts?
Anyway, I wish I could get one of those Zim girls in my bed - they really can dance and shake it.
I'm getting so excited just thinking about it. I must call my body guards to take me out on a drive so I can stalk some young virgins. SO WHAT if I am 40 and they 13 or 14. I deserve what I want and August is coming. My horny dance is gonna start very soon.
So hide your girlfriends and your daughters if you want, but my spies are out hunting from south to north.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Me and one of the wives
This is a picture of me last weekend when I went to Pretoria to hang around Jacob Zuma. He would not get in a picture with me so I was left to pose with wife #3.
As you can see, I do not look happy with this wife and maybe you will now understand why I keep looking for fresh young naive girls!
Doesn't she look sour!
This wife is a real headache - she thinks she is more intelligent than me because I let her go to the University of Swaziland to study Law. Of course, I made sure all the Lectures and Professors passed her because I can not tolerate listening to her complaints. Oh, this business of wives is dull - all they want is more jewels, more "designer" outfits and more and more of my time. They are very selfish and I can't wait til August when I can find a new teenager to delight me.
Oh, by the way, if you are wondering why I did not post anything in April you will be glad to know I was busy celebrating my birthday the whole month. I ate, drank, and you know what!
The fun was spoiled a bit because the wives were complaining about wanting new "secure" cars so I had to waste money on them instead of myself.
Sometimes I wish they would all run off like the one in South Africa - that way I could get a whole new batch of women. I want my harem to be bigger than daddy's and bigger than the king of Saudi Arabia.
Yours truly,
Me - the King of Swaziland
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Madagascan President exiled in a Swazi Palace
You will notice I have not written for a couple weeks but things are really swinging in my palaces now!
Last week I could not write because I am the big peace and security guy at SADC and I had to settle that little problem of Madagascar.
Can you imagine my boys doing that to me?
No, there will never be a coup in Swaziland. I said so!
So this week I am busy as well - you know DEPOSED Madagascan President Marc Ravalomanana is here as my guest.
I am promising him my first daughter if he can get back that island and give me half as lobola. Tibiyo is explanding.
You see, I really am the king of all nations!
Last week I could not write because I am the big peace and security guy at SADC and I had to settle that little problem of Madagascar.
Can you imagine my boys doing that to me?
No, there will never be a coup in Swaziland. I said so!
So this week I am busy as well - you know DEPOSED Madagascan President Marc Ravalomanana is here as my guest.
I am promising him my first daughter if he can get back that island and give me half as lobola. Tibiyo is explanding.
You see, I really am the king of all nations!
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
