Gijima!

Run you little rioters. Run!

What are you doing giving me all this bad press. I said things are going to get better so you must shut up and patiently wait like good subjects. If not, I'll call out the riot cops and see you beat to a pulp. Didn't your parents teach you anything! I won't spare the rod and spoil the nation - no not me!

I'm sick of you peasants and peons calling me names - I AM A GOD! Why can't you get that through your thick heads. You are nothing and I am everything! You really are spoiling my fun.

Eish, I'm so tired after all these busy days. It's not easy to be horny and dance with 60,000 virgins. And then I get home and all my bloody wives want to sleep with me the same night.

Last night was hell.

All I wanted to do was ask Babekhulu Mugabe how to shut you people up but Sibonelo Mngomezulu, my wife know as LaMbikiza, wanted to take him dancing at the disco in the basement of her palace. She likes to pretend she's having sex on the dance floor and she knows it makes me horny and jealous.

Anyway I had to screw the whole lot of my wives or they would whine and whine for ages. So I didn't even get to ask Uncle Bob for advise. Oh, what would he do in a predicament like mine?

I guess I'm just going to have to fly to Zim to ask him about it.

He recently fucked the entire electorate of about 13 million so he only needs to give me a couple of his secrets to screw the 1.4 million here on MY FARM.

I don't know why the international papers call me a playboy cause I think I am a man.

Oh but no, I'm a God and a King! Can I be everything?

Siyatingulube!

Last night at the banquet we ate like pigs!

Let the others "eat cake"!

I impressed all my 10 guests who came - and so what that others didn't come. We got to eat more and more and more and more.

I must admit I am not happy today that Uncle Bob got more applause than me and now I have to think of what to do to become more popular then he!

But what can I do to catch up to him.

If I start killing people like he ordered, I will lose all my subjects since we don't have as big a population as Zimbabwe. And they my royal Dlamini siblings and relatives won't have servants, slaves, or subjects.

Oh Bobby, why do you have to be so popular in SD?

Maybe I will have to ask him if Swaziland can become a colony of Zimbabwe.

He has stolen my show today and my damn daughter sole it at the Reed Dance.

Oh I hate this when I am not the center of the universe.

DON'T THEY KNOW I AM THE SWAZI GOD-KING!

Chitsa umgcoma wetibi!

I heard some nations say "Cha, angiyi 40/40!"

Well that is too bad for you because we are going to feast like we always do.

We are the Dlamini - the royal eater and I will show everyone how much I can eat.

I'm the 2nd richest man in Africa but I'm the biggest eater.

I can prove it - just come to my big 40/40 tomorrow and see me chow everything.

Yours truly,

King Glutton of Ngwane

Akunandzaba!

It does not matter what you people do in Mbabane!

Why don't you all just go away!

If you don't like it on my farm then move to a refugee camp in South Africa.

This FARM is MINE - all MINE!

Utsiteni Manzini?

Eish, I heard there were 10,000 out marching today!

What do they want from me - I'm the LION!

Why can't these commoners understand I don't care about them.

It's all about me. Did you hear that?

It's all about me.

My kid!

My first kid, the girl with the big mouth, yesterday tried to steal my show and I don't like it.

Who is she to have Jesus written on her buttocks.

She better have had my name written over her front female area - because I am the man not Jesus!

Who does she think she is anyway - Jesus doesn't put money into her bank account.

Eish, she's just like her mother.....only good for one thing!

Sheeba's Breast

Today is fun because all day I get to do what I want - look at tits and eat like a hungry pig. It's so exciting, I wish all my horny ancestors could be here too.

And my first daughter did dance and shake her tits as much as she could. She reminds me of her mother and maybe I will sneak into her bedroom at night and see how far she'll go to prove she loves her sugar daddy - me the King!