Phansi Mswati Phansi

I can see all

2010-08-21T14:23:00.001+02:00

I am very busy these days since I get to pick another wife but I simply wanted to mention two things:

First, LaMagwaza I have spies everywhere and know you are reading this site. I know you regret cheating on me, so if you come back and beg I will accept you; but then I must pass you over to one of my senior brothers. I do not want "used goods" and they simply do not care who the girl is that they jump upon each afternoon and evening.

And secondly, thanks to my little brother in Taiwan for looking at my site.
(Actually he is not a son of Sobhuza II, but he came from the same womb as I so mother says I must call him my brother.) It is very good that he is far away and he is happy to follow me through this site.

To all my other fans I will write more soon but I am busy because it's so hard keeping your manhood down (yes, I mean my constant erection) with all the naked teenagers shaking their stuff.

As you see it is very hard, very very hard but I am the stud of Swaziland !

I went to the witch-doctor

2010-08-18T22:17:00.003+02:00

It seems I am losing my powers to keep my women, so I went to the witch-doctor for advice.

He said, " When a wife wishes to be preferred above all the other wives she comes to me and I give her ekulo. This she mixes with the food of her husband, and from that time on he cannot resist her and she becomes his favourite wife and is mistress of all the others."

I then asked if any of my wives had visited him and he seemed reluctant to answer. I pressed him and said "I am Ingwenyama!"

He then told the truth.

"Yes, oh great one. All sixteen of your wives have visited me and for a lofty price I have given them ekulo."

"But how can this be?" I questioned. "I do not favour any one wife over the others. They are all the same once you lift their skirts."

He looked at me solemnly then said "My ekulo is powerful, but perhaps it is not you, Ingwenyama, whom they use my potion upon?"

Imamba

2010-08-05T15:08:00.002+02:00

Yes Mamba is a snake!

Green or black - he is a SNAKE!

He said he was my friend and I trusted him; but while I was away he has bitten me badly and the poison is spreading.

I do not know what the problem is - why aren't my fourteen wives satisfied that I spend a night with each of them every month?

I tried to take a little vacation in Taiwan (and get some rest from these nagging women) only to find that my latest wife is having an affair with my good old pal Minister Mamba - the Minister of Justice!

I am the one who appointed him Minister and this is my thanks - he thinks he can share my women when I am absent?

Well you just watch and see what happens to him - I will teach him a good lesson and crush his snake-like head!

I have had enough of my wives cheating - first it was La Magwaza, and then La Hwala, and now La Dube.

And so I have asked Benedict Xaba, my appointed Minister of Health, for advice. He has ordered E1 million Viagra from Europe so I can bop these wives til they drop!

For Mamba, Xaba suggest I give him some Viagra as well and then send him to the goats, the cattle and my camels from Gadhafi! Yeah, let's watch him bop then!

Hello my Fans

2010-05-31T15:45:00.001+02:00

I am getting many notes from Montreal, New York (Patterson, Forest Hills, Fairport, Bayside, West Hempstead, Rockville Centre, Bronx, Ozone Park, Riverhead) California, Texas, Chicago, Potomac, and all over the world saying how I am the king of all kings.

But to tell you the truth I know the notes from California and Beverly Hills are from my first daughter who has wasted a lot of my money at some school there. As the saying goes "an apple doesn't fall too far from the tree" and she is like her selfish mother. She is not like me - she is a big mouth who thinks she has something "cool" to rap in a song.

I am the mouth that never lies but she is the mouth that never shuts up!

However, you are not visiting MY blog to read about that braggart girl - you love me and so I am posting one more photo of my beautiful self.

And do tell me, don't I look handsome?

Today's my Birthday - it should be a world holiday!

2010-04-19T05:52:00.002+02:00

I, the great Mswati III, am celebrating my birthday and expect all of you viewers to send me best wishes since I am the most wonderful monarch in the world.

I am so superior to all humans I can make the rain fall. Today it was very funny to see all my devoted fans - aristocrats and "commoners" - sitting in the rain waiting for me, the supreme one.

I have got my own country to close down for the day, but my neighbours - South Africa and Mozambique - are never going to be invited to my parties again since they too did not shut down their countries to celebrate my great birth!

I wanted some more women for my birthday - I am 42 and want 42 wives; but all I got was another Rolls Royce. See how hard it is to be a king!

Poetry for the king of kings

2010-03-22T13:13:00.002+02:00

Here is a little poem which one of my dear subjects sent to me.

It is very complex so I hope you can understand it better than I.

Makosetive
traitor to the Swazi people
i was the center of the dream
to give life in abundance
i could have healed the wound
but i chose to love only myself

by 'Nazizwe

Eish, I have been busy!

2010-02-17T13:21:00.000+02:00

Hello my fans!

Have you missed me? I know you have!

Yes, I have been very busy with the girls but received your many messages saying how much you have missed me.

See you and I have two things in common: we both love my intelligent and insightful reflection upon myself. I really should be the king of the world.

Recently I am being annoyed with some students outside the palace shouting "SHISA, MLILO, SHISA!" and I am tired of the noise.

I've told my servants to go tell them I have gone to the beach since I need to rest and enjoy life.

Looking for a Swazi virgin

2009-08-19T18:11:00.006+02:00

I told my wives to suka la and sent them all on a trip.

You see, that way I can be free to prowl. Oh I love looking at young Swazi things -they turn me on and that means my country is strong.

Many people do not understand polygamy.

My having sex is what keeps our nation virile and healthy. My sex makes the rains, and my sex makes the sun shine. All this nonsense about one wife is just that, nonsense!

We are one of the top nations in the world of 220 nations - how do you think we got to that position?

It's me - I am the King of all Kings and you commoners must just be quiet as I send the wives away and stalk the next virgin girl.

I control everything and just to prove it I told my boys to make sure that Swazi paparazzi better not make a fuss out of this trip like the mess they created on me last year.That was a very big mess, but I told my hit man Barnabas to handle it. I think it's working.

I know you will all miss me but it is girl time and I am hungry.

I am the Swazi lion

2009-08-10T17:58:00.007+02:00

THE INGWENYAMA

I am
the Swazi
Lion

They call
me
Ingwenyama

Watch me roar
in the
bedroom

See me kill
a mutied
lion

For I am
the brave
warrior

And you
are only
the mice

Who will bell the cat?

One Swazi Man

2009-07-16T15:17:00.000+02:00

One of my fine Swazi subjects in Arizona has sent me a praise poem he wrote.

I can't say I honestly understand it but he must love me for all of my subjects adore me.

After all I am HIS Majesty, the Greatest Swazi king ever to rule on the continent of Africa and probably the greatest king in all the universe.

So here is the poem and please do tell me what it means.

one swazi man
and
tens of thousands of graves
fourteen wives
and
hundreds and hundreds of rapes
eight palaces
and
hundreds of thousands of hungry mouths

Am I, Mswati the Great, a bugger?

2009-07-05T14:02:00.008+02:00

Oh my troubles never end.

Damn, it's hard being a King.

Here's just one example of how tough it is in my position.

Last week I received a "royal family" of camels from the man who tried to bugger me. Gadhafi of Libya doesn't understand the meaning of my royal "suka la".

Here's my problem. On my last trip to his country, we were eating and drinking and having a grand old time. We were talking about the nagging wives who are always around. He even made me laugh when he said he gets tired of his women and goes out to "visit the female camels".

I thought it all was lots of fun until he got me very drunk and when I passed out, he tried to mount me!

That bugger!

Luckily my bodyguards were not to far away and my ass was saved - or at least half saved.

Anyway he now thinks he can kiss and make up by sending me the camels but he is a pervert. All he really wants is to be the King of Africa but he knows everybody wants me as the King of the African Union.

Gadhafi is jealous of my super powers, my wealth and my great looks- that's why he wanted to "know me intimately". Oh, I think I must just forget him but keep the animals.

But did you happen to notice 4 of the 6 camels are female? Maybe I can try my luck with them when the wives are giving me headaches.

So if I don't write for a bit you'll know what is occupying my time....I'll be busy with those female camels until the young naked Swazi girls start shaking their stuff at the August reed dance.

I'm on the prowl for some Swazi girls!

2009-06-27T01:00:00.000+02:00

I can't wait til August

2009-06-12T20:35:00.004+02:00

Hey, I am just back in Swaziland from visiting good ole Uncle Bob in Zimbabwe.

He likes me and I like him so we don't care what the rest of you say.

Anyway, we have enough money to do whatever we like and don't care about the "progressive" ideas.

Eish, I saw a lot of good looking girls in Zim. I had sent the wife on a tour of some sort - you know they always pester me thinking they are my favorite wife. But really, what is the difference between one and the other when you lift their skirts?

Anyway, I wish I could get one of those Zim girls in my bed - they really can dance and shake it.

I'm getting so excited just thinking about it. I must call my body guards to take me out on a drive so I can stalk some young virgins. SO WHAT if I am 40 and they 13 or 14. I deserve what I want and August is coming. My horny dance is gonna start very soon.

So hide your girlfriends and your daughters if you want, but my spies are out hunting from south to north.

Me and one of the wives

2009-05-13T17:32:00.005+02:00

This is a picture of me last weekend when I went to Pretoria to hang around Jacob Zuma. He would not get in a picture with me so I was left to pose with wife #3.

As you can see, I do not look happy with this wife and maybe you will now understand why I keep looking for fresh young naive girls!

Doesn't she look sour!

This wife is a real headache - she thinks she is more intelligent than me because I let her go to the University of Swaziland to study Law. Of course, I made sure all the Lectures and Professors passed her because I can not tolerate listening to her complaints. Oh, this business of wives is dull - all they want is more jewels, more "designer" outfits and more and more of my time. They are very selfish and I can't wait til August when I can find a new teenager to delight me.

Oh, by the way, if you are wondering why I did not post anything in April you will be glad to know I was busy celebrating my birthday the whole month. I ate, drank, and you know what!

The fun was spoiled a bit because the wives were complaining about wanting new "secure" cars so I had to waste money on them instead of myself.

Sometimes I wish they would all run off like the one in South Africa - that way I could get a whole new batch of women. I want my harem to be bigger than daddy's and bigger than the king of Saudi Arabia.

Yours truly,
Me - the King of Swaziland

Madagascan President exiled in a Swazi Palace

2009-03-24T19:09:00.004+02:00

You will notice I have not written for a couple weeks but things are really swinging in my palaces now!

Last week I could not write because I am the big peace and security guy at SADC and I had to settle that little problem of Madagascar.

Can you imagine my boys doing that to me?

No, there will never be a coup in Swaziland. I said so!

So this week I am busy as well - you know DEPOSED Madagascan President Marc Ravalomanana is here as my guest.

I am promising him my first daughter if he can get back that island and give me half as lobola. Tibiyo is explanding.

You see, I really am the king of all nations!

King Mswati in Wonderland

2009-03-11T06:01:00.000+02:00

HIV and Palaces in Swaziland

2009-03-10T13:46:00.000+02:00

Did everyone hear the good news? Swaziland is getting money, more money from donors.

I love these donors but more precisely I love their hand-outs! One truly can never have enough money.

Yes, our friend President Obama of the USA is giving me thirty million American dollars to help fight HIV. That is about one hundred million emalangeni! See how much he likes me.

That is very good news because I do not want to spend a single cent on these sick people who live on my farm. Anyway, I will not give my money to my lazy subjects! I have a bunch of palaces to refurbish and that will cost one hundred million emalangeni.

Do you think Obama is jealous of me? I do. He has only one wife and only one White House. Me - I have at least a dozen of everything.

Yes, I am sure he is jealous of me and I do not think he is very smart to tell the truth. Why spend all that money on HIV when you simply can tell the people to stop having sex. That is what I did and see how great it worked out.

Swazi king likes to fly.

2009-03-03T08:04:00.000+02:00

Babe, can I have an aeroplane?

2009-03-01T14:45:00.000+02:00

Some people have noticed that I do not write blog entries as often as I did last year but again that is not my fault.

Barnabus is supposed to look after government stuff, but I think he is dim-witted, and then has to ask me about everything. I picked him because he is like a loyal beast but still, honestly, he is very dull and I end up doing too much work.

Why work when there is nothing I like better than talking about myself - even all my wives are boring compared to me - and I wish I could write here every single day. Eish, I could write about myself at least three times a day if these bloody fools knew how to take care of business. I don't know why I pay them so much!

If I axed the whole lot of Dlamini hanger-oners I could get everything I want. And I still want an AEORPLANE.

When I was a little boy my daddy gave me a toy aeroplane, but now I am a man and why should I still have to play with that old toy. It is just not fair. If daddy were here I would get what I want.

Oh Babe wami, will you come as a ghost and visit all those who say I can not get my plane?

Oh Babe wami, you are the "lizard" so make your ghost do some running about because I am getting mad. I WANT AN AEROPLANE.

Uncle Bob in Zimbabwe has one, so why can't I have one too?

Mswati's medicine

2009-02-22T15:13:00.000+02:00

HIV in Swaziland?

2009-02-21T15:28:00.000+02:00

All these new reports about HIV/Aids in Swaziland are irritating me and making me tired.

Now everyone is pestering me again. People try to blame me but I am not responsible.

And if 42% of women are HIV positive there is still the other 58% that I can choose from, so what is the real problem?

Anyway, who is the IMF or the Associated Press!

They should just shut up! Everyone must SHUT UP!

No one is allowed to talk but ME!

Getting a girl for the Swazi king

2009-02-16T13:58:00.000+02:00

Me, Mswati III spolied?

2009-02-14T19:08:00.000+02:00

Sobhuza II spoiled me!

Everybody wants to blame me for something but so what if my subjects get food from the UN. Let the rest of the world care about them - I don't care as long as I get what want!

Anyway my father, Sobhuza II, spoiled me so it's not my fault.

My father's real name was Nkhotfotjeni which means "lizard" in English and when he was 68 years old he showed his manhood to my 19 year old mother. Nowadays people call him a pedophile but as I have said before "we have a unique culture in Swaziland".

My mom was not at any Reed Dance. No, no, no! She was a servant maid to one of his wives. Her name is Ntombi Thwala and if I must admit, I shall say she was Sobhuza's concubine. Yes, you see my mother did not come from any big name family - she's a nobody, just a 'commoner' as we royal Dlaminis say. Her father was not an important chief - just a nobody as well.

So the lizard impregnated the maid and.... well, there is more to that story but I don't want to continue writing because it's not about me. Here's the important part - I was born!

Dad called me Makhosetive - that means "King of all nations". Don't you see how important I am in this vast world?

But he did spoil me.

He gave me everything and really indulged me.

So why shouldn't I have everything - Daddy said so!

Swaziland: Absolut Monarchy

2009-02-11T00:26:00.000+02:00

It's all about ME- Mswati the GREAT!!!

2009-02-06T17:25:00.000+02:00

Have you missed me?

Oh I have been busy with the stupid politics of my kingdom and haven't had time for these fun things like talking to the world about myself. My new PM is a great guy and he's recently told everyone they should be envious of ME.

It is true - everyone should be ME!

I promise not to let all this government stuff waste so much of my time in 2009 and that's why I sent Barnabus to see Gaddafi and the AU boys - I don't like boys, I want girls and more girls. But when Iam drunk sometime I can't tell the difference.

Absolute Monarchy of Swaziland

2009-02-01T17:39:00.000+02:00

Mediation?

2008-09-15T15:54:00.000+02:00

I hope you people in Swaziland don't actually think I will have sincere talks with the "progressives" and the unions.

I have shown you how I disdain you and this time will be no different. Why do you keep irritating me!

As you will notice I have not posted any comments over the past few days - all this nonsense of the progressives is disturbing my time and I don't know exactly how I shall evict them from my farm but keep watch for I am the KING!!!

Intjintji unayo yini?

2008-09-10T14:18:00.000+02:00

Well if you have change then you can spend it on me!

Isn't that a good idea of mine?

You can send me a SMS to wish me happy birthday instead of buying food for your dinner. If you want something to eat after you write to me go to the FAO. The UN is always helping my subjects eat because I don't care if they stave or not.

If it make you happy to think I will read your notes, so be it.

But you know the truth as well as I. I don't like to read but enjoy comics and I really don't care about what you write. If I really wanted to hear you I'd have an indaba and pay for all.

You are just peasant subjects and I won't spend a cent on you. But you sHould spend E50 to send me a note.

Unayo indophi yini?

2008-09-09T14:12:00.000+02:00

Give me a rope - I'm tired of all this criticism.

I just want to hang the whole lot of criticisers!

I'm so mad I can't even think!

Umkhohlisi

2008-09-09T02:24:00.000+02:00

I can lie and lie and lie and no one can ever challenge me!

It's so good being a king in my own kingdom. I wish everybody could be a king in their own kingdom.

Oh, but then I wouldn't have subjects. Oh no! Oh, forget that idea! But look at my other idea.

At my big Saturday party I said "We are telling a world full of prejudice that we are a happy nation in spite of the challenges that face us." Do you see how my boys can write!

I told them to take this political issue and spin it as some kind of "prejudice". They did a good job and now everyone will be nervous to talk about this "white European multi-party idea." See how smart I am. I made everbody afraid to talk.

See how powerful I am!

Gijima!

2008-09-07T14:57:00.000+02:00

Run you little rioters. Run!

What are you doing giving me all this bad press. I said things are going to get better so you must shut up and patiently wait like good subjects. If not, I'll call out the riot cops and see you beat to a pulp. Didn't your parents teach you anything! I won't spare the rod and spoil the nation - no not me!

I'm sick of you peasants and peons calling me names - I AM A GOD! Why can't you get that through your thick heads. You are nothing and I am everything! You really are spoiling my fun.

Eish, I'm so tired after all these busy days. It's not easy to be horny and dance with 60,000 virgins. And then I get home and all my bloody wives want to sleep with me the same night.

Last night was hell.

All I wanted to do was ask Babekhulu Mugabe how to shut you people up but Sibonelo Mngomezulu, my wife know as LaMbikiza, wanted to take him dancing at the disco in the basement of her palace. She likes to pretend she's having sex on the dance floor and she knows it makes me horny and jealous.

Anyway I had to screw the whole lot of my wives or they would whine and whine for ages. So I didn't even get to ask Uncle Bob for advise. Oh, what would he do in a predicament like mine?

I guess I'm just going to have to fly to Zim to ask him about it.

He recently fucked the entire electorate of about 13 million so he only needs to give me a couple of his secrets to screw the 1.4 million here on MY FARM.

I don't know why the international papers call me a playboy cause I think I am a man.

Oh but no, I'm a God and a King! Can I be everything?

Siyatingulube!

2008-09-06T15:36:00.000+02:00

Last night at the banquet we ate like pigs!

Let the others "eat cake"!

I impressed all my 10 guests who came - and so what that others didn't come. We got to eat more and more and more and more.

I must admit I am not happy today that Uncle Bob got more applause than me and now I have to think of what to do to become more popular then he!

But what can I do to catch up to him.

If I start killing people like he ordered, I will lose all my subjects since we don't have as big a population as Zimbabwe. And they my royal Dlamini siblings and relatives won't have servants, slaves, or subjects.

Oh Bobby, why do you have to be so popular in SD?

Maybe I will have to ask him if Swaziland can become a colony of Zimbabwe.

He has stolen my show today and my damn daughter sole it at the Reed Dance.

Oh I hate this when I am not the center of the universe.

DON'T THEY KNOW I AM THE SWAZI GOD-KING!

Chitsa umgcoma wetibi!

2008-09-05T11:27:00.000+02:00

I heard some nations say "Cha, angiyi 40/40!"

Well that is too bad for you because we are going to feast like we always do.

We are the Dlamini - the royal eater and I will show everyone how much I can eat.

I'm the 2nd richest man in Africa but I'm the biggest eater.

I can prove it - just come to my big 40/40 tomorrow and see me chow everything.

Yours truly,

King Glutton of Ngwane

Akunandzaba!

2008-09-04T11:21:00.000+02:00

It does not matter what you people do in Mbabane!

Why don't you all just go away!

If you don't like it on my farm then move to a refugee camp in South Africa.

This FARM is MINE - all MINE!

Utsiteni Manzini?

2008-09-03T22:53:00.000+02:00

Eish, I heard there were 10,000 out marching today!

What do they want from me - I'm the LION!

Why can't these commoners understand I don't care about them.

It's all about me. Did you hear that?

It's all about me.

My kid!

2008-09-02T12:46:00.000+02:00

My first kid, the girl with the big mouth, yesterday tried to steal my show and I don't like it.

Who is she to have Jesus written on her buttocks.

She better have had my name written over her front female area - because I am the man not Jesus!

Who does she think she is anyway - Jesus doesn't put money into her bank account.

Eish, she's just like her mother.....only good for one thing!

Sheeba's Breast

2008-09-01T15:05:00.000+02:00

Today is fun because all day I get to do what I want - look at tits and eat like a hungry pig. It's so exciting, I wish all my horny ancestors could be here too.

And my first daughter did dance and shake her tits as much as she could. She reminds me of her mother and maybe I will sneak into her bedroom at night and see how far she'll go to prove she loves her sugar daddy - me the King!

Can't wait for tomorrow

2008-08-31T16:33:00.000+02:00

I'm drooling over all the imbali - I wish i could take all 50,000 virgins. I'm so horny I can't stop smiling.

I wish the elders would let me take at least 40 virgins to my bed since it is my 40th birth year. But they are so mean, I can only get one!

Step Aside Mswati

2008-08-30T16:09:00.000+02:00

Who says I should step aside?

Not my soldiers or body guards. They like me and sneak into my wives' beds while I'm away.

So they are not going to turn against me.

Anyway I buy them big guns so they are happy too.